The Next Right Thing

I've been hearing and seeing a lot about bravery and courage lately.  My friend Stephanie wrote a post on bravery at Middle Places.  She exemplifies courage to me.  When God called, she and her husband left their comfort zone and moved their family across the country.  They had no potential jobs, and they were leaving all their family and friends behind.  People suggested they were crazy or foolish.  I remember scratching my head, wondering why they were choosing to move so far away.  But I knew Stephanie, and I never once doubted that she was making the right choice.  Now that they have been there for a while, it's obvious it was a wise decision blessed by God. 

There's a saying in AA that has become my mantra in the last few years, "the next right thing".  To me, being brave is putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing.  Sometimes that means waking up and going through the motions of my day when I just want to drink and numb myself.  Other times it means enjoying my new found freedom and happiness to the fullest.  Courage is needed in the daily tasks we face and the major decisions we make.  I can relate to Stephanie's bravery when she left her hometown. However, the bravest thing I've done wasn't leaving my hometown, but leaving my marriage. 

 

When I decided to get my divorce, it also meant losing primary custody of my children.  My counselors told me from the beginning that it wasn't possible to stay sober and remain married.  I kept trying anyway, because I couldn't fathom a life without seeing my children every day.  Eventually I realized that my counselors were right.  If I stayed, my children weren't going to have a mother at all. I would either be in jail or dead because of my drinking.  There were (and probably still are) people who don't get that.  There are people who think I didn't try hard enough or took the easy way out.  In reality, it was (and still is) the hardest thing I've ever done.  Being brave and doing the next right thing meant doing the unthinkable and having "visitation" with my children instead of taking care of them on a daily basis.  It also meant not listening to what everyone else said or thought of my decision. 

Today, I already see the blessings of this decision. I have a long period of sobriety and I am able to see my children a lot.  Also, I am a better mother than I was even before I started drinking. I'm not better just because I'm sober.  I'm better because I treasure each second I spend with them.  It's still hard, and I hope and pray that circumstances change. But overall I'm at peace, and I'm happy. I did the next right thing even though it meant losing the ability to see my kids every day.  And as a mother, that was the hardest, bravest thing I have ever done.

The good news is, in the end, it wasn't that hard to be brave.  God did it for me.  After all of those attempts of staying sober my own way, God gave me no choice but to rely on Him.  There's another saying in AA that's important to me and so many others.  "God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."  In reality, I can't be brave or stay sober of my own accord.  I can't make huge decisions and be courageous without God's help.  That's the great thing about being brave and doing the next right thing.  Even when you can't do it on your own, God will do it for you.  Sometimes it takes trying on your own and failing many times to learn that lesson.  Learning that lesson, though, is what helps me to be brave for whatever comes next, big or small.